11.06.11 + 02:51
I'm soooooo sad that I've now lost Isabelle. THIS was not supposed to happen. I was never going to lose her. I thought we'd stick it out through thick and thin. Well I done fucked up. The more she acted her age and made choices in life that made me uncomfortable, the more I ratcheted down on her and made her life miserable. I didn't mean to its just that she acted like such a fool. In my opinion. It was this foolish perspective that unraveled our relationship. Her carelessness and inconsideration for other people lead me to be very strict with her. I was just trying to teach her to be more aware of other people in life. Instead I dampened her days and turned her from 19 to 30 in 2 years. I was very unhappy and unsatisfied in our relationship. So many things were awful. But I didn't want to see it. I was just too upset. I should never have gotten into that relationship. But its too late now. I was such a fool for her. I was such a fool. Such a fool. I wanted it to work desperately. Our relationship didn't make a lot of sense, but I needed to come to grips with what happened in that damn museum. I feel so lost and terrible. I feel like such a terrible human being. I physically intimidated and yelled at her to try and get her to see my side of things. As soon as she began to see things my way she wanted to not be with me anymore. I found her intellectually unstimulating in many respects. Although it was her spirit and nature that I enjoyed so much to be around. I truly adore her. She is a special person but she is also a pain in the butt. She was dealt a bad hand and I think I just exacerbated things by being tough on her.